People generally don’t really want to change. Yeah, it’s that simple. It also explains why, if you do start to get results with one system or other, you will usually continue to get results with that system.
Most systems work for somebody. However, most systems don’t work for most people.
You can usually find where a program stops working for you by looking at what was going on when you lost interest. Yes, haul out all those books and tape and CD sets. You probably started out with enthusiasm, doing the exercises and really thinking about the content. But if you’re like most people, there will be some point where you felt less excited, you started skimping on the exercises or maybe quit reading or listening altogether.
This is why there’s that workshop bump – you go to a workshop and (since you paid for it!) you hang on till the end. You actually feel like you’ve changed, that great things are going to happen from now on.
But a few weeks later, just like in the sitcoms, everything is “back to last Thursday.”
Why the heck is that?
Chances are, when you get right down to it, you like being you. And you resist change because you won’t be you anymore.
Your personal self-help-system archaeology can help. Look at where you usually stop. Is there something in common? I tend to drop a system when the author’s personal judgements about what kind of changes I should be making kick in.
I remember reading a beautiful little gem of a book with wonderful visualizations; later I wondered why I’d never finished it, and went back to it and found the bookmark. It was right about where the author said you shouldn’t visualize for anything that wasn’t for the highest good, and it couldn’t be just something selfish, it had to be in service to others too. Gahh! It’s not that I don’t want what I want to also work out for others, it’s just that it’s not my job to decide what’s best for anyone but me. And it’s certainly not up to the author to decide (which he did, at length) what sort of things one should be all visualizy about, and what sort of things were off-limits.
Foo. Ruined a perfectly good pile-o-techniques, at least for me.
Now, that’s me, that’s the kind of thing I react to. If I think I’m being pushed, that a teacher or author has a particular agenda that they’re not totally upfront about, I check out. Your mileage will vary, but if you’re having problems making a system stick for you, look around for your own check-out triggers..
Now, let’s get back to identity. Who really is this you that you’re protecting so fiercely? Are you the same you you were at age 6? I know if I time-traveled to my 16-year-old self, and I happened to be wearing my geeky biking clothes, my proto-goth-angsty-wiccan-teenage self would certainly not claim me as her future self, but here I am, and I’m still me.
The key to successful change is to realize that you are not a singular you, but a serial you who makes changes all the time without losing your essential I-ness.
To make a lasting change, become comfortable with the self you will be when you make the change. Claim that self as your own.
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More info about self, identity, and other weirdness:
And this is an interesting audio program by a hypnotist that explains just what has to be going on for you to successfully make a change that will stick. It isn’t a hypnotic track, it’s an in-depth exploration of the subject.
